the 46 stages of Twitter

1. Hear the word Twitter.  Scoff.
2. Hear it again from someone else.  Scoff again.
3. Hear about famous celebrity who is apparently "On Twitter."  Scoff, but make mental note to check it out.
4. Log into Facebook to comfort self.
5. Sign up for Twitter.
6. Give up because it seems dumb.
7. Loudly criticize others on Twitter.
8. Follow @johncmayer, @aplusk, @rainnwilson, @wilw, @mrskutcher, @oprah, and one other person you actually know.
9. Post tweet that is a variant of: "Trying out this Twitter thing."
10. Attempt to dig a little deeper into Twitter.
11. Notice rampant usage of words: "Tweet," "Twitter," "Twitterverse," "Tweetie," "Tweetdeck," and something called "RT."
12. Scoff again, this time in confusion.
13. Tell friends you "tried that Twitter thing, but didn't get it and it's stupid anyway."
14. Log into Facebook because that site at least makes sense.
15. Read story about Twitter somewhere.
16. Log back into Twitter. 
17. Try to avoid saying Tweet, Twitter, Twitterverse, Tweetie, Tweetdeck, and ReTweet.
18. Respond to @rainnwilson.
19. Curse self for fanning out.
20. Log off for 4 months.
21. Come back, just to see.
22. Post something relatively funny.
23. Get RT'd.
24. Discover that RT means ReTweet.
25. Make it your life mission to get RT'd.
26. Install Twitter app on your phone.
27. No longer ashamed to say "I've gotta Twitter that."
28. Attend events with the sole intention of "Tweeting" them.
29. Pray to get RT'd.
30. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.
31. Close computer.
32. Open computer.  Refresh.  Refresh.  Refresh.
33. Think in 140 character sentences.
34. Compulsively check phone all day every day.
35. Tweet that you compulsively check phone all day every day.
36. Alienate actual people in your life in an attempt to impress ones you don't know.
37. Lose weight because you forget to eat.
38. Place phone by bed so you can check first thing in the morning.
39. Defend Twitter to the death from detractors.
40. Hear self, and vaguely recognize that you have become "That Guy."
41. Feel like, and start to behave like River Tam.
42. Vow to quit Twitter to preserve sanity.
43. Read this and change mind. 
44. Think to self, "I should twitter that."
45. Recognize irony.
46. Twitter it.

*Related Video: "F Twitter."

Did I miss any?

*Now in French, too! (Rue 89)

*And in Spanish! (Soitu.es)

Comments

[eyduck]

ReGoogleReadered @shanenickerson.com the 46 stages of Twitter HILARIOUS

I'm at stage #20.

[Jules]

47. Have a minimum of 3 tabs open to twitter.com plus some sort of twitterapp running

[Christie]

Excellent! Although I think should be a stage regarding being @'d. As in: Checking Mentions every hour to make sure it still works. "Why doesn't anyone @ me?!"

[xtx]

i think i'm like at stage 81 where i just tweet things that don't even make sense to drunk people and nobody follows me.

[Joe]

Not hip enough to figure out how to do the "trackback" thing, but I featured '46 stages' on my blog http://www.misplacedboy.com/

I'm only at Stage 10.

[Jeff Donaldson]

-check to see how many followers you have on a daily basis
-add all updates to your SMS notifications
-10 minutes later remove all SMS notifications except for DM's
-you think that (randomgirl6736) really likes your profile until you click the tinyurl link to a pornsite (again)
-subscribe to unfollower application to see who stops following you and try and figure out which post caused it.
-Learn that if you don't piss at least one person off a week with one of your tweets, your doing it wrong.

[Chris]

I think around step 26 should be phone/PC app rather than just the phone, you know, for us desk bound types.

[Jules]

number who knows

Think about signing up for twittermail so that you can send yourself emails on twitter and tweet over 140 characters

Close the twittermail tab after staring at it for 30 minutes

Open up the twittermail website and drool over the possibilities

Close the twittermail tab

Reopen the twittermail site and sign up for twittermail

Start emailing yourself and breaking the 140 character thinking

[Paoli]

How about this one? When you see the word "Twice" you read it as "Twitter". Just happened to me...

[SEOcopy]

I am still laughing as I write this. I thought for sure you couldn't be talking about me... until I noticed I am guilty of about 90% of the list. My favorite is always the scoffing but most of all "20. Log off for 4 months." very funny indeed.

[martin english]

don't forget "obsessively follow all the stars of your favorite 70's sitcom that are on twitter", followed by "realise that most of the stars of your favorite 70's sitcom are dead".

[Michelle]

Use LoudTwitter to ensure your Tweets are read by your LiveJournal Friends List (Flist) as well.

Review your Live Journal and realize over 1/2 of your posts from the last month are just re-posts of your tweets.

[Twitter_Tips]

Great stuff! Our followers love it and multiplied step #25 by 4 and retweeted this about 100 times today from http://twitter.com/Twitter_Tips/status/2505762988

[Jennifer Chapman (JoyJoyJenny)]

you forgot Stage 10a Get Followed by naked people wanting to show you pictures on their website, or is that just me that gets that

[Suzanne]

"Genuinely hate and block porn spammers, and then debate whether it would damage your reputation to follow your favorite porn star."

@Jeff - Check followers once a DAY? Once an hour, maybe :) I logged off for two years instead of four months, so I can claim "I was on Twitter before it was trendy." As long as no one figures out I came back as a bandwagoner.

[Georgina]

- Celebrate when you hit a personal goal for number of followers
- Learn that you can tweet from your Kindle and brag about it
- Discover the 46 stages of Twitter through a tweet that had been RT'd many times and feel smug that you've already reached #46
- Think of and refer to people as their twitter user name and feel confused when people don't have one

[Georgina]

- Feel sad and unfulfilled when you go an entire day without finding anything interesting to tweet about.
- Tweet that and feel better.

[Anna M]

♥ this!

-Use the Twitterkeys to look cool and hopefully get noticed.

BTW loved the Matchbox/Hot Wheels post! Working on an article about my old friend at Mattel Larry Wood aka Mr. Hot Wheels. My bro had some of the same cars!

[@lacouvee]

47. when you post on your blog you make sure that you have enabled the "Tweet this" feature!

[myriam]

Buy a second screen to install seesmic desktop or/and tweetdeck and/or Nambu.

[Julian Schrader]

Just RT'd this. @schrader via @gracesmith ;-)

[Sacha]

I'm right around #34. You nailed it.

[Jeff]

Please, stop following me...I feel like you're inside my head lol.

[FoodTravelDiva]

Lol...you got it right on! I didn't do all the steps but most of 'em. This is too hilarious!

[Vincent Wright]

Love the irony of #36 (And, ahem, may have lived it a little, myself! :-) )

Keep STRONG!