I'm just now recovering from three days of living in a bonafide Vomitorium. Do you know what a norovirus is? It's a fancy word for a microscopic stomach fucker. It's a bug that gets into your digestive tract and goes off like a frag grenade.
My wife started feeling a little stomach discomfort right before we headed over to the Ben and Jerry's free cone day last week, and by Sunday afternoon both kids were erupting like volcanic bile geysers on every inch of carpet and every bed sheet in our house. (Incidentally, most of the rooms in our house have hardwood floors, but apparently it makes more sense to children under five to vomit in highly stainable and stink-retaining areas). We gave Lucy (the 4 1/2 year old) a small bowl in case the urge arose, but more often than not, she chose to start a sentence telling us...
"Mommy, Daddy, I'm starting to feel...
...bbbbbbbBlllaaaaeeerrchhhhh."
Usually right in the spot we were sleeping.
All night.
For two days and nights.
It got to the point where we stopped cleaning up and just threw towels over the offending piles in the bed, and tried to get back to sleep before Zachary (the six month old) started his spray work. It was awesome. I felt like I was living in a field hospital.
And through it all, I remained fine. No stomach ache to speak of, not a twinge of churning in my stomach, and no flu-like symptoms or fatigue. Somehow, I dodged a noroviral bullet. A bullet, it turns out, that waited until the puke cleared with the wife and kids to strike me square in the gut. Within a couple of hours, my stomach felt like it was housing an angry piranha.
So go ahead and insert any graphic details you'd like to imagine here. I don't need to get into detail like I did HERE. Let it suffice to say, I feel better today. While we were out, we had the house cleaned (scrubbed, really) and came back to the successful lemony fresh vanquishing of lingering hurl stench.
Thank the BV.
Oh man, I have been there. My oldest was maybe a year old and laying on the living room floor one day while my buddy is over and we're watching the tube. The little one then proceeded to become a water fountain like geyser of orange baby food products, about 10 inches straight up. I just rolled my eyes and went for a towel, but for some reason he had to go to the bathroom. The look on his face was worth the clean up.
Posted by: Blackie | 05/08/2008 at 05:22 AM
Isn't it nuts how your body knows to wait until your kids are fine before it unleashes your own stomach Tasmanian Devil?
Posted by: Wil | 05/08/2008 at 05:36 AM
Good god. I just got done dealing with the same thing the last few days. Brutal.
Posted by: donkeypuncher | 05/08/2008 at 02:12 PM
Norovirus is the one you always hear about on cruise ships as well. Most people don't realize how badly that will end your vacation. Glad everyone is feeling better.
That is also the reason the gift I always give at baby showers is crib sheets, there is no such thing as having too many.
Posted by: MJBUtah | 05/08/2008 at 02:38 PM
A houseful of projectile vomiters? Could be a hell of an animation project. Sending some v/o copy your way in 3... 2... 1...
Posted by: AJ | 05/09/2008 at 08:39 PM
The last time I got hit with that I had just started a new job, and was still living in the hotel. Plus, I had to move hotel rooms that day for some reason. I think the front desk originally thought I was hung over until I ran back to my room to puke while waiting for them to get me keys. Also, it was my only day off that week when it happened...like Wil said, it was like my body was waiting until I had a little free time to let down its guard. Glad you are feeling better.
Posted by: Chuck | 05/10/2008 at 12:28 PM
What's the going rate of BV's services these days? My family needs a good miracle about now.
Glad to hear your clan has healed!
Posted by: N. Francesca | 05/13/2008 at 05:18 AM